That's not my name...
Sorry about the last three days of silence but something crazy happened to me! Yes, again! You remember how on Wednesday I was supposed to go to school for the first time in order to attend the first of a very long series of inset days with my fellow teachers? Well, I went, and this is what happened...
We all congregated in a big lecture theatre where the deputy head - the headmistress seems to be a deity who shall not be shown to mere mortals - was to make a welcome (back) speech and introduce the school to the new teachers. There were probably around 250 people in this room, as the school caters for more than 2000 children from nursery to sixth form. Anyway, the deputy head starts: "Welcome to our fantastic school, bla bla bla, bla bla bla, and in order to know everyone, I'd like the new teachers to stand up one by one and introduce themselves!" The first teacher does so, and so on, and then my turn! Wait for it! I stand up: "Hello, my name is..." And I never ever finished this sentence! Instead, I just fainted! Right there, on the spot, in front of everyone!... Obviously, I didn't even realise what was happening - anyone who has ever fainted knows perfectly well that you just don't know you've fainted, it's just a blank in your mind! - so I only opened my eyes and saw plenty of faces looking at me, calling my name - oh, maybe I managed to say it then! - and I was just wondering why... Then two guys took me to the nurse - and I fainted a second time on my way there! (Shame about the smaller audience though!) - and then the nurse took my blood pressure... and, wait for it! 4.5! That's not the number of sex partners I had in my life, no! That was my blood pressure! The nurse got really scared and put me onto a bed - you know, the ridiculously tiny ones that school nurses have, well, one of those! -, a doctor came and the diagnosis was that my body could no longer take the heat and stress I had experienced in the last days, and that I needed a lot of rest for a couple of days... So there I was, lying on this child bed, embarrassed by the fact that I would miss the first two inset days of the school year, and mortified about what 250 future colleagues had just seen!
After a couple of hours with the nurse, who kept looking at me with a compassionate smile and kept giving me plates of dried fruits and sweets, the school put me into a school coach home! After the tiny bed, there I was on my own in a massive coach! Can’t they judge size in Egypt?!... Basically, I spent my Wednesday sleeping, and for people who know me, that’s like “Wow! Something’s gone wrong!”. I guess the doctor was right: I really needed a rest. I just couldn’t help it. What really touched me though is that at around 6pm, I heard a knock at the door, I went to open, and some of the new teachers I had already met were there with some food for me, they had bought fruits and vegetables, juices and water, yogurts and eggs... It was so kind of them, I almost cried! And the award for the kindest person ever went to Priti, an Indian teacher, who had actually cooked Indian dishes for me! It was delicious! It really cheered me up!
The less happy part was the next day... I was still off sick – because of the doctor’s prescription - but after playing Sleeping Beauty for 24 hours, I wasn’t feeling the need for further practice... I was just in my flat going round and round... getting so bored! The other teachers were busy at the school, and I didn’t dare to leave my flat in case the school would check on me... And on top of it, my Internet connection went down! After three days in the flat!... That was a very very long day!
Today, however, was cool. It was the first day of the weekend – Muslim rules apply! – and the school had organised a trip to the Pyramids of Giza for the new teachers. I went along, and obviously got teased the whole damn day! “Oh! The guy who turns up only when it’s fun!”, “Mr Sickie”, “The sick one”, “Isn’t it too stressful for you?”, “Are you sure you’ll be able to stay awake?”, and so on... I laughed along. I guess I’ll have to get used to it, or just hope that the jokes get old... Oh well, at least now, everyone knows me!